Stuck!

There’s painful ground that leaves me sore

A rocky path splits land and shore

Here feet were never made to stand

The space between altar and door

I raise my eyes to search ahead

Wielding the Sword that kills flesh dead

But day by day I know I fall short

Falling short of perfection fills me with dread.

So I turn ‘round, check what’s behind

What darkness had smothered the depths of my mind

The shadows are cozy, I remember the noise

Kept me from hearing the prophets’ cry

That way was simple, carefree and sure

No law on my head, no need to be pure

And the more I stare, the harder it grows

To even recall why I wanted a cure

I take a step back, then two, then three

Now my hand’s on the handle, I’m ready to spree

I throw open the door expecting the view

To be all the past had told me it’d be

I catch my first whiff of old temptations

The new me is yielding to the old creation

Sin nature erupts, ravenous and crazed

Angry that I put it through all that starvation

I stand at the threshold, enjoying the view

Tapping the jamb with the edge of my shoe

Rocking on heels, ready to fly

Back to the lies and away from the True

Except I can’t move, I’m not able to leave

Though I can for a time stand here and see

I might dabble with evil, but the pleasure won’t stick

You have chained up my heart with fetters to Thee

My senses return, and I’m terribly sick 

I think of my Savior whose head they once pricked

With thorns encircled to crown his brow

To take the blame for every dumb click

So I slam shut the door and turn back around

I race to the place where the lost can be found

I fall on my face and cry out for mercy

I weep and I beg to the Lord I be bound 

Promises fall from my lips full of zeal

The presence of God has regained its appeal

I lay on my face as my tears soak the floor

I pray for the power to make freedom real

The hype dies down, the silence deafens

The Answer is traded for thousands of questions

I glance back and see that the door is ajar

Now the sirens are calling and I don’t have weapons

Why this sad cycle? Why am I stuck?

Why do I keep going back to the muck?

Why won’t my soul be happy to stay

With the God who from Hell my soul surely plucked?

I’m stuck in the middle, stuck on the rocks

Stuck on the gravel that tears up my socks

I can’t move forward, back’s a dead end

I’m stuck with a faith I can fit in a box

The more that I live, the more that it’s clear

The worst place to be is that of the deer

Two sides of the street, and I’m in the middle

Staring down at a truck that’s not gonna veer

I’m not free from my past, but I also hate sin

I can’t choose to lose but I can’t seem to win

I chase deep joy and then settle for trash

I’ve seen great gold but I keep picking tin

Back’s not an option, Lord, to me that you’ve shown

So help me press on towards your royal throne

When my spirit is willing but my flesh is yet weak

Resound in my heart that I am not my own